Of trust and life.
I have decided that since this a a personal blog, i have every reason to write about personal views about issues related to the everyday me. For some of you who thought that i have been posting random video clips and news from all over the net on my blog, you have misunderstood me. I will share links that i find interesting to me with people closer to me on msn (For those who did not receive, it's just that you are not online =) ). Those that i posted here are things that i felt strongly about and has a special meaning to me and thus, blogged it.
I found the current me awfully inadequate in many aspects. I attribute these inadequacies to the countless things that i have not experienced. If time can be rewind, i will do certain things differently. I will retain all those failures that i have experienced for they pile the foundation for my character. Even if i have to endure the pains, i will gratefully go through them. I will grab hold of all the opportunities that i have forsaken for excuses of "I have no time", "I don't think i can do it", "I should let others try it", because time is within my grasp through self-discipline and management, confidence is built through struggles, and opportunities are not easy to come by. Nobody knows what's going to happen next, not even for the next split second. You might just as well get knocked down by a car, fall into a manhole, or even choked to death by goreng pisang. History has shown that even experts' predictions are might as well as good as throwing a dice.
Sometimes i thought to myself: Am i being too nice to people? Am i too trusting in people? The formal has over numerous times been a cause of my many downfalls. I realize that in life, being nice will not be rewarded; at least for being genuinely nice. Either people will take advantage of you and pretend that they never receive anything from you and try to squeeze you dry, or they will see you through skeptical eyes. Ironically, for people who display kindness with hidden agenda usually receive better acknowledgement. The latter about trusting is a potential time bomb that i occasionally regretted displaying. Being trusting, I have come to understand recently, will end you up being a joke among your peers because there are just countless people out that who have never experienced real trust and thus feels that abusing of trust is an entertainment. You can tell them about many things but in their heart, they just don't give a damn except maybe interesting things that can be used against you. I used to trust almost everything that people told me because I thought that being honest is just natural. But i guess there's an inherent culture of over-joking among our generation that just like the story in 狼来了, people just don't know who and what to trust anymore. So for people who lied to me 9 out of 10 sentences, don't blame me if I don't believe you when time calls for it.
I feel that i have to learn to be selfish because most people around are selfish. Nobody really truly care about you. Only maybe your best of friends know who you are and how you feel. The rest, are just mere insurance. Recently, i just had someone who might not be attending a certain event which i was interesting in but just refuse to give me the opportunity because giving up this opportunity to someone else just felt like losing out.
For those who goes, "oh soon huat is emo-ing again...", "soon huat finally knows his short-comings.." are really the ones who lacks the crucial difference between a human and a chimpanzee--- the ability to see himself from a third person view. Thus they should really go and reflect upon their soul. I am not being emo. I just expressing my self consciousness, and reflecting on my life.
Anyway, if you read everything above and reach this sentence, I believe that at least i do have some place in your heart, albeit a faint one. If not you wouldn't have care about this wall of text that i posted on my blog.
For my readers out there, when was the last time you open your heart and talk about your feelings without hesitation? I bet you could only recall the last time you boasted about your achievements or maybe bad mouth about people.
P.S It doesn't mean that I won't be trusting and nice anymore, i will just be selective.
I found the current me awfully inadequate in many aspects. I attribute these inadequacies to the countless things that i have not experienced. If time can be rewind, i will do certain things differently. I will retain all those failures that i have experienced for they pile the foundation for my character. Even if i have to endure the pains, i will gratefully go through them. I will grab hold of all the opportunities that i have forsaken for excuses of "I have no time", "I don't think i can do it", "I should let others try it", because time is within my grasp through self-discipline and management, confidence is built through struggles, and opportunities are not easy to come by. Nobody knows what's going to happen next, not even for the next split second. You might just as well get knocked down by a car, fall into a manhole, or even choked to death by goreng pisang. History has shown that even experts' predictions are might as well as good as throwing a dice.
Sometimes i thought to myself: Am i being too nice to people? Am i too trusting in people? The formal has over numerous times been a cause of my many downfalls. I realize that in life, being nice will not be rewarded; at least for being genuinely nice. Either people will take advantage of you and pretend that they never receive anything from you and try to squeeze you dry, or they will see you through skeptical eyes. Ironically, for people who display kindness with hidden agenda usually receive better acknowledgement. The latter about trusting is a potential time bomb that i occasionally regretted displaying. Being trusting, I have come to understand recently, will end you up being a joke among your peers because there are just countless people out that who have never experienced real trust and thus feels that abusing of trust is an entertainment. You can tell them about many things but in their heart, they just don't give a damn except maybe interesting things that can be used against you. I used to trust almost everything that people told me because I thought that being honest is just natural. But i guess there's an inherent culture of over-joking among our generation that just like the story in 狼来了, people just don't know who and what to trust anymore. So for people who lied to me 9 out of 10 sentences, don't blame me if I don't believe you when time calls for it.
I feel that i have to learn to be selfish because most people around are selfish. Nobody really truly care about you. Only maybe your best of friends know who you are and how you feel. The rest, are just mere insurance. Recently, i just had someone who might not be attending a certain event which i was interesting in but just refuse to give me the opportunity because giving up this opportunity to someone else just felt like losing out.
For those who goes, "oh soon huat is emo-ing again...", "soon huat finally knows his short-comings.." are really the ones who lacks the crucial difference between a human and a chimpanzee--- the ability to see himself from a third person view. Thus they should really go and reflect upon their soul. I am not being emo. I just expressing my self consciousness, and reflecting on my life.
Anyway, if you read everything above and reach this sentence, I believe that at least i do have some place in your heart, albeit a faint one. If not you wouldn't have care about this wall of text that i posted on my blog.
For my readers out there, when was the last time you open your heart and talk about your feelings without hesitation? I bet you could only recall the last time you boasted about your achievements or maybe bad mouth about people.
P.S It doesn't mean that I won't be trusting and nice anymore, i will just be selective.
Inscribed and endorsed by SeaWaLK at 6:50 PM
1 Comments:
sometimes i do have similar thots like what u mentioned.
but i just don't know how to type them out in words. thanks for sharing this entry. =)
life mah..
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