Sian day

I am really disappointed today, i thought i will have a happy day today, oh well, guess that's my luck. Today after school, i waited for yuk cos she said she has remedial until 6, but at the end, she couldn't find Mrs Neo, so we left school at 5 30. Jian yong, yuk and me walk tampines mall as i suggest going for window shopping and ask them company me. At some point of time, yuk suddenly have a strong interest in talking to jian yong about some stuff, i tried to join in but failed. Then we walked into tis jigsaw puzzle shop, i wanted to show yuk some of the nice pictures i saw last saturday. I found one particular puzzle with a panda and find it interesting, so i showed it to yuk. She was still so indulged in the conversation that she din even notice it. I keep asking her whether she find it nice, she didn't even reply. I tried to understand, it has been long since she talk to jian yong, so i let them chat. Once in a while, i showed them some nice puzzle and ask for their opinion so that none of us will be left out. The problem came after we left the puzzle shop. They were talking about the century square cinema, and how some of the couples act in the theatre. I wasn't welcome into the conversation for some reason. I felt so bored so i decided to walk to cinema to see what movies were avialable. I swear i walked really slowly, i was strolling. But you know what? It took them days to reach to where i am. I was so bored and irritated. I mean, you asked them along and try to have conversation together, yet you are being left out and treated as if you do not exist. What is even worse is when we walk past san bookstore. Ok, i was walking alone all the way from the cinema. I don't feel their presence at all. They stopped me, and said that they want to go into the bookstore, after i had walked a great distance away. And so i followed. I went in, and feel tired so i walked out to take fresh air. I don't think anyone notice me and i don't expect anyone to. I mean after being treated like non-existence for so long, would you expect anyone to notice you? After standing outside like for years, yuk suddenly remembered me. I was damn pissed off that i can't bring myself to open my mouth. Anyway, all she care is Jian yong is still in the bookstore and she should not neglect him. She went to check out on him and she couldn't see him. So i went in to check. I really regret going in. Seriously. Why? She suddenly feel rooted to where Jian yong was. I walked out of the bookstore, again unnotice. I felt like an extra. Any human being who can feel will feel that way, who don't agree? I strolled into Yamaha to check out guitars. After like 15 mins, then they walked out, still talking.

Frankly, which stead will treat own bf/gf like that? When she is with her friend, i will be left out. Now she is with MY friend, i am also being neglected. I sacrifice my time with my friends to company her, but what about her? In her circle of friends, i am below her friends. If she rejected her friends to go out with me, she will feel that she has done a favour. But i have done this a countless times, without even complaining. I really don't know how to react. Even time she neglect me, i will feel upset. I cannot tell her that, she will feel that i am possessive and over-sensitive. I fabricated countless excuses for her. I can't always blame myself for being too-sensitive, cos that i know is just an excuse for me. If you say i am jealous, yes i admit. Don't talk about stead first. When you are with you group of friends, and they for some reason keep excluding you from the conversation, will you feel upset and jealous? I seldom talk to girls, not because i can't, i can if i want to. Is because, i keep reminding myself that i have to be faithful to yuk. But she always talk to guys in front of me. I am always understanding, i should not be so unreasonable as to stop her from talking. But what i ask for is for her to at least show me some respect, let me feel that i am not transparent.